OPINION: Negativity can be a real downer

People vary in how they approach life. We have different personalities affecting how we think, and our differences help explain why some view life through the prism of “a glass half empty,” and others “a glass half full.” Some look on the bright side of things, others look more on the darker, negative side.

Unfortunately, characteristics of negativity often come with aging. It’s not hard to understand why. When someone doesn’t feel well, is in pain, inactive or lonely or faced with being uprooted from a life they’re familiar with, positive thinking is hard to come by. While many elderly folks adapt without difficulty and “go with the flow,” others may really struggle during these significant life events. Sadly, a negative frame of mind makes it all that more difficult for them, and for those trying to help them adjust to new circumstances.

Negativity in someone can be a real downer if you have to take care of them, or live with them or work with them. We are certainly affected by the different attitudes or personalities of people we deal with. We’ve all heard of someone described as having a sunny disposition, or a person who looks on the dark side of everything, or someone who never has a good word to say about anything or anybody. We often don’t realize how one’s attitudes and conduct affect others, but it does.

Therapists frequently hear from their patients how disturbed they are by negative people in their lives. Workers complain how a coworker’s negative attitude and behavior make working with them almost unbearable, and it’s often a cause for people quitting, especially when supervisors don’t address the situation. If the negative employee finally leaves, the relief of having them gone is palatable.

In addition to the effects of aging, there are other valid reasons why someone develops a negative attitude. They may have grown up in an environment where complaining and negative thinking were common, or maybe they’ve been married a long time to someone like that and it rubs off on them and becomes ingrained in their own personality. And, of course, stress caused by loss of a loved one, worry about finances, pressure on the job or any number of other circumstances can be underlying factors.

A person’s pervasive negative thinking may even be signs of clinical depression or chronic anxiety, and therapy and/or medication might be needed.

There is no evidence people are born with a predestined state of mind that tends to be negative. And one’s lifestyle isn’t necessarily a factor. People living in poverty, with little to sustain them or to look forward to, may still have a upbeat outlook on life, while rich, talented and attractive people, with a multitude of resources available to them, can be consistently negative and always looking on the dark side of everything and everyone.

It may be, however, that negativity in a person is simply a bad habit that has developed over time. The good news is bad habits can also be corrected over time - with a commitment to do so. If we recognize and acknowledge there’s a problem with negativity, we can fix it. Sometimes, we might need counseling to sort out what triggers these thoughts, and to figure out if an emotional or mental health problem needs treatment. Fortunately, there are good therapists and counselors to help with that.

Most of the time, though, we can teach ourselves to recognize when we are being negative and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. We can actively practice using constructive language in place of negative language. We can change our outlook on life ourselves, if we want to badly enough. In other words, it’s a matter of managing how we think and how we act. By concentrating on the positive aspects of our lives, or the world around us, we’re more likely to change a habit of being such a downer.

Ultimately, we are responsible ourselves for how we think. We are in charge of our own emotions. We are responsible for how we approach our jobs and how we treat our colleagues, our friends and loved ones.

If we’re always being negative, making it hard for others to deal with us - even making others miserable - it’s up to us to change it.