‘Your story’s not over’

Content warning: This article discusses suicide and mental health crises. If you or someone you know is struggling, help is available. Call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7.

Organizers are calling Southwestern Community College’s inaugural Out of Darkness walk a success after raising a total of $7,819.64 for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. With 152 people registered and eight teams fundraising, the Southwest Iowa showed up strong.

“We have really done something special here. For our first year, we had no idea what type of event this would be or whether it would be a success,” event coordinator and SWCC Director of Marketing and Enrollment Management Terri Higgins said. “Amara [Huffine] from AFSP kept telling me that we were doing well and that this was going so much better than we could have imagined.”

Event attendees Thursday had the chance to share personal stories and encouragement on the Wall of Remembrance and Hope, as well as sport beads to honor people in their lives who have been affected by suicide. Other activities included a caricature artist, bracelet making, mental health trivia and the walk itself. All together, it was a night of encouragement for mental health advocates.

“My goal for our first rural Iowa walk was $5,000. We blew my expectations out of the water,” Huffine, AFSP Iowa area director, said. “What are the proceeds going to? They’re going to help us fund research for suicide prevention, and they’re also going to direct programming here in Creston. Educating on the suicide risk factors, how to have a safe conversation and resources available. You’ll see some of those at your library in the summer, and then we’ll do some here right at SWCC with the students in the fall.”

Local experiences

Though now the director for all of Iowa, Huffine has plenty of experience with mental health issues in Southwest Iowa. Before starting her role with AFSP, Huffine was the CEO of the Winterset Chamber of Commerce.

In 2022, when an EF-4 tornado hit the town and took the life of one of her chamber members, she began her own journey with survivor’s guilt. However, Huffine said that when she tried to help others feel less alone, she “learned real quick in rural Iowa, you don’t talk about mental health.”

Three years later, she was recruited to her current position with AFSP, where she works to break the stigma around mental health conversations.

“I’m here to tell you, if you’ve struggled, if you are struggling, being in rural Iowa, it’s OK not to be OK,” Huffine said. “It’s OK to know that there’s stigma and we need to get rid of that.”

Huffine isn’t the only person who shared their experiences with mental health struggles. A Creston native, 36-year-old Amanda Montane shared how she became suicidal despite growing up in a “normal, happy home.”

“My story doesn’t start in one moment. It’s made up of many. Like a lot of people, I went through things that I wasn’t fully able to process at the time. In high school, I experienced an assault,” Montane said. “Instead of healing, I buried it. I just wanted to stop talking about it, for it to go away and my life would go back to normal.”

Montane pushed through life, getting her associates degree from SWCC and a bachelor’s degree from Buena Vista. She got a job and started a family. However, between postpartum depression and access to pain medication following knee surgery, she found herself in “the perfect storm.”

“For about 18 months, I struggled. Eventually, my family caught on, realized I wasn’t OK. My mental health was spiraling and I started trying to get help,” Montane said. “I went to meetings. I went to therapy. I showed up. But if I’m being honest, I was white knuckling it. I was trying to look better rather than actually be better.”

Montane spent the next 16 months fighting a battle no one else could see, ultimately making a plan to end her life.

“Eventually, I truly believed that the people I loved, my children, and my family would be better off without me. That’s a terrifying place to be. That place is both silently quiet and loud as can be at the same time,” Montane said. “No one knew how bad it had gotten and I didn’t want them to. I didn’t want to burden them anymore than I felt I already had.”

Luckily, Montane’s then-husband found her before she succeeded in completing her plan. She was taken to the hospital and said, in that instant, something changed.

“Not overnight and not perfectly, but I made a decision that I wasn’t going to just survive. I was going to do the work to actually live, and I’ve been doing that every single day since,” Montane said. “Today I live a life I once thought wasn’t possible for me. I’m here for my children and my children get to have their mom, and that means everything.”

Supporting others

For most people, a mental health struggle is a silent, invisible battle. While life circumstances can exacerbate issues, anyone can experience mental health problems.

“Mental health doesn’t discriminate. Check on your people, ask the questions, stay a little longer, listen a little deeper, answer the phone call and make the phone call,” Montane said. “And if you’re the one who’s struggling, please hear me when I say this: you are not a burden. You are not alone and your story’s not over. I’m living proof that even in your darkest moment, there is still a path forward.”

Higgins reiterated this sentiment at the end of the night.

“We need to always remember we’re here to help each other. Thank you for supporting us. It feels really good to see our community pull together for such an important thing,” Higgins said. “When Amara was talking about Southwest Iowa, we’re the ones that can change that. So please remember that. We can talk about it. We can communicate. We can be open about this topic because we all suffer at times and we need to remember that and be here for each other.”

For more information on AFSP and the resources they provide, visit afsp.org/chapter/iowa.