Digital Access

Digital Access
Access from all your digital devices and receive the latest news and updates from around the area.

Home Delivery

Home Delivery
Local news, sports, opinion, community and more!
Letters to the Editor

A Trump ‘translation guide’

There was an adjustment period for me when George W. Bush became president. His Texas drawl and homey expressions were unclear to me at first. President Trump also has his own language. What follows may be helpful for understanding; it is my interpretation of what I have heard:

“Fake news” — truth that I don’t want you to know.

“Alternative facts” — lies that I want you to believe.

“Lamestream media” — sources for fake news, a.k.a “responsible journalism.”

“Terrible reporter” — one who asks questions not in the script.

“Obamagate” — remember, he is African-American.

“Fine people” — ones who follow my every dictate.

“Losers and thugs” — see Obamagate.

“Deep state” — imaginary force I can blame for everything that goes wrong, very much like the bogeyman.

“Witch hunt” — investigations that result in the conviction of my associates.

“Trust me” — what I am about to say or have just said is made up.

“I only hire the best people” — I will find someone who will do whatever I say before they are indicted and convicted and sometimes pardoned.

“Infestation at our borders” — Latinos.

“Dominate the streets” — gas, assault, trample, shoot the guilty and innocent alike.

“Fat, ugly, dog” — when used to refer to women it generally means independent, accomplished, intelligent ladies who would not submit to me no matter how much I paid them.

“Make American great again” — no translation is possible based on three years of actions unrelated to the usual meaning.

“I really believe that I would run in there” — (referring to his projected response to an active shooter at a school) get me to the bunker.

“Election fraud” — votes for my opponent.

“Doctors keep asking how I know so much” — I channeled Larry Nassar.

“I will be too busy to golf” — see Obamagate.

“Many people have told me” — the voices in my head are still clamoring.

“I know more about ISIS than the generals” — may be a reference to the Isis, a dancer at the Blue Iguana.

“Dating is like being in Vietnam” — there is danger in the bush.

“Trade wars are easy to win” — I will raise the price of many goods and reduce the market for US products.

“God bless America” — vote for me.

“I alone can fix it” — vote for me.

“We fell in love” — (In reference to Kim Jong Un) he would vote for me.

“Hoax” — see Fake news.

“I am the most transparent president in history” — if you look critically you can see right through me.

“I would be dating her” — (referencing his daughter Ivanka) that one is best left to mental health professionals or law enforcement.

“Law and order” — I am the only law and order, you do what I say.

“Drain the swamp” — I need to make room for my pack of thieves and crooks.

For a more complete translation guide, listen for yourself and apply common sense.

Loading more