LETTER: You might be Donald Trump

While flipping through TV channels during a pitching change in a recent Yankee game (they lost), an old Jeff Foxworthy performance arrested my channel hopping. It stimulated a whole new chain of thoughts and, of course, I cannot resist sharing.

If you have been unfaithful to all three of your wives and millions of people still think that you can be trusted to uphold an oath of office, you might be Donald Trump.

If you have been the head of multiple businesses that are bankrupt and still retain a personal fortune, you might be Donald Trump.

if you decry witnesses who use the Fifth Amendment as “Mafia” after you availed yourself of that right in one of your divorce proceedings, and a recent hearing, you might be Donald Trump.

If your response to criticism is to attack the witnesses rather than provide evidence, you might be Donald Trump.

If you evoke laughter in the assembled diplomats of the world by claiming a historic list of accomplishments and still believe you have good standing in foreign affairs, you might be Donald Trump.

If you converse with the leader of Russia with no translator from the United States present, you might be Donald Trump.

If you encourage an armed mob to go to the United States Capitol during the process of the transfer of power and “fight like hell” and still pose as the defender of the United States Constitution, you might be Donald Trump.

If you solicit millions of dollars in contributions to the “official election defense fund” (which does not nor ever did ever exist), you might be Donald Trump.

If you have claimed to “hire only the best” and seen a procession of our employees convicted (Managort, Popadopoulos, Stone, Cohen) or plead guilty (Flynn), you might be Donald Trump.

If you do not condemn an attack on law enforcement personnel by one of your supporters and still are viewed as a “law and order” advocate, you might be Donald Trump.

If you can espouse the theory that every criticism made of you and accusation made against you is “politically motivated,” you might be Donald Trump.

If you can claim in the matter of classified documents that, you didn’t have any; you had already given them back; they had been planted; they were for the purpose of writing your memoirs; they were for the inclusion to your presidential library and they had been declassified by imagining them to be declassified, and still convince people that you are honest, you might be Donald Trump.

If you urge the death penalty for selling illegal drugs after you have pardoned a convicted drug dealer, you might be Donald Trump.

If you had a full page advertisement placed in New York newspapers calling for the execution of suspects who were found innocent, you might be Donald Trump.

That is a sample of the mirth that Mr. Foxworthy stimulated in me.

P.S. When I watch the Yankees, they lose. When I miss their games, they win.