OPINION: Turning into a diva

A neat idea I had around December of last year was to start paying a little more attention to my wardrobe. I’m not a stylish person, but I was getting sick of wearing the same cheap outfits that got me through the work day.

It started small with a plaid flannel and a zip-up vest. Then a new winter coat. Some sweaters, one with a cute cow on it. Cable knits and textured weaves. Showing up to work and feeling so proud of a new fit. My coworkers claiming I’m turning into a diva.

Suddenly, I’m browsing online stores into the night looking for just the right type of turtleneck and trying to imagine which polo might look best on me. I’ve never had this much attention to my outfits, and yet I’m addicted to wearing something new.

How did I get here? The joke answer is that I spent money, but this attention is what’s new. Did I always have a decent stylistic ability? I can barely get my hair to behave after brushing it; why am I mixing and matching now?

I imagine this feeling is the same other people have for their hobbies. One second you’re doodling a little face in the corner of a notebook, the next you’re setting paper down for catching dripping paint. You don’t know how deep you’re in it until you are.

I will say, I feel no yearning for the expensive brands or some dumb logo. Sure, a $110 jacket might look nice, but I’d never get over spending that much on a jacket. Every time I put that jacket on, I’d think, “this doesn’t feel like $110.”

My joy has come from finding good deals that feel comfy and look good. I get why thrifting is so tantalizing now for so many people, especially for my generation that doesn’t have money to throw around quite yet.

I’m not a stickler for fashion. On most work days, I do try my best to not just throw on whatever’s at the top of my dresser. But, I’m not the type to know what matches or goes together. My coworkers have made fun of me enough for my beat-up blue tennis shoes (they have a 0% match rate).

To try to define where this fixation might come from, I think it mostly underlines an increasing awareness of my own physical appearance. Joining a dating app in November was tough; I only take pictures of myself maybe four times a year.

So, maybe I wanted to create that celebrity version of myself I’ve discussed a lot in these columns. Quick aside, do people imagine themselves in interviews? I have this thing where I imagine myself in my internal monologue like I’m on a talk show or podcast, discussing my life as if it’s the most interesting thing in the world.

Anyway, I’m no celebrity. Either way, I think presenting the best version of yourself in a way that’s tailored to your personal expectations felt healthy. I don’t touch up my photos to make me thinner or anything like that. That’s not the point.

Fashion seemed like the easiest part to improve. There are other areas, sure. I imagine my old teachers telling me to get a haircut on an almost daily basis. I do need to kick this gut fat at some point. But one fit and I feel like a new person. Maybe I’m a cooler person from my fancy coat. Watch him go by, what a cool coat!

The point I’m trying to make is that, although fashion is new to me, I feel the joy in looking good. Even on some days where I don’t feel attractive or particularly masculine, I’ve picked outfits that underline comfort. I don’t buy for trends, I just wear what makes me happy.

My coworkers have made fun of me for wearing a sweater with a cow on it, for purchasing it so late into winter (the thing arrived on a 90 degree day). But, that stupid, silly cow makes me smile. Of course it’s worth it!