OPINION: A perfect morning, continuously disrupted

My coworkers have heard this story before. I promise I’ll be up bright and early to work, only to crash and burn by arriving only a couple hours before noon.

As an exercise a few months ago in some combination of meditation, foresight and delusion, I wrote down what I would consider a “perfect morning workday schedule.”

I’d wake up just after sunrise at 7 a.m., wash my face, brush my teeth, make a cup of coffee, take a walk, read a portion of a book, eat, shower and give myself enough time to arrive at the office before 10 a.m., ideally.

Pretty optimistic of a morning, one which reflects me being lucky enough to have flexible hours. A walk would take about 30 minutes, reading a book maybe an hour but most likely less, shower about 15 minutes and would leave an hour for everything else. I might even make it to work “early.”

Working at the CNA means some wonky hours. I’ve waken up far earlier for interviews and events (earliest I believe was 4 a.m. for Balloon Days flight meetings), and stayed much later as I prepared for a future story or attended meetings which can go quite late. However, 10-6 is a pretty typical day for me.

Those wonky hours mean routines can be disrupted. I’ve gotten close to my hypothetical perfect morning before, but I am also bad at preparing.

Sleep is easily my greatest enemy. I understand in order to wake up early, you have to go to bed early. Yet, my brain refuses sleep in a way a toddler will refuse broccoli. The feeling of laying in bed, trying to sleep but failing, is frustrating, which keeps me up even more.

As a result, I like to keep myself up until I can feel myself needing sleep. This can be through a late-night movie, phone scrolling or a midnight bath. This is dangerous.

Continuously, I’ve found myself hitting snooze on my 7 a.m. alarm multiple times because I just need a little bit more time. I must be a terrible neighbor. Even today (Monday, as I’m writing this), I kept hitting snooze on my alarm until 9 a.m.

Those two hours in between aren’t good sleep, which makes snoozing useless for that long. A cozy blanket has become a boa constrictor’s trap. The promise of sleep is too powerful.

As a result, routines get cut. The morning walk is the easiest, we don’t need that energy waster. Book reading can always be diminished, let’s just wrap the chapter or throw out reading altogether. Skipping breakfast is trendy nowadays, right?

My coworkers are sick of me I’m sure. I appreciate their advice; routines aren’t immediately followed and I should be more forgiving to myself, but I always feel bad about it.

I’ve considered an essential schedule as well. Wash face, brush teeth, shower, out the door. How long would that all take? Maybe 20 minutes max?

Is this better for me? It’s certainly disciplined, and it leaves no room for personal time before I’m already off to work. I wouldn’t have to worry about having personal time when I can just focus on having the afternoon and evening to myself.

Telling others my hours, I always feel guilty. I understand how often people around me wake up far earlier to work longer hours. I always imagine a farmer waking up at 5 a.m. and the absurdity to tell them how hard it is to wake up before 9.

I think to many people, the idea of personal time during the morning is ridiculous. I should be focusing on getting to work. To be honest, I do feel bad every time I’m the last of the reporters to arrive. The hours are flexible enough to allow this, but I don’t think it’s efficient or ideal.

Late mornings have minimal impact on my work (at least, I think that’s true; we’ll see if this line makes it past proofreading), but I still can’t shake wanting the perfect morning.

Everything about my morning is perfectly glamorous. A walk for exercise, doing it bright and early while the air is chilly and the sun’s coloring the sky. Reading a book to get the gears in my head rolling and my creative mind sparking. The smells and tastes of a nice espresso and breakfast in the morning.

I’ve somehow generated a celebrity idea of my own morning which refuses the reality that I am a sleepy man who sleeps sleepily. I’d love to wake up military-style, do 200 push-ups and cook a hearty breakfast with eggs, bacon, flapjacks, hashbrowns, sausage and every other delicious carb-loaded comfort food, but that’s not me.

Still, a walk in the morning would be nice. Too bad winter’s coming.