March 29, 2024

Mattie: Mentor, mother and ‘miraculously my own’

I don’t know who needs to be reminded, but Mother’s Day is Sunday. Mother’s Day is when many of us celebrate the women who blessed us with life. For myself, I celebrate the woman who chose not to sell me off to the circus when I proved to be more trouble than I was worth. I wasn’t an easy child to raise, and as a teenager, my will to rebel almost broke her. But her will to be a mother was stronger. Despite the hellion I was, she miraculously nurtured me into adulthood, which I’m sure felt like a small eternity.

I’ll admit it. As a teenager I was an absolute jerk to my mother. Every time I attempted to start World War III, she chose love over and over again. She sought to understand. She’s a woman of endless patience and grace.

I wasn’t always mean to mom, but when I was the worst, she still reminded me she loved me.

“The words of a framed poem on the wall of my childhood bedroom were etched in my memory as I read it every time I walked by it. I still think of it often:

‘Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone, but still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute, you didn’t grow under my heart, but in it. – Mom”

I can’t remember a time when I didn’t know I was adopted as my parents were always transparent about the fact. As a small child, I knew I was different, special, chosen and loved, and I was pretty indifferent about the topic. But as I grew, so did the urge to find my birth mother.

Who is she? Do I look like her? Does she think of me? How could she leave me? I recall crying myself to sleep some nights because I couldn’t understand why. The older I grew, I became more sad, confused, yet curious. Simple things upset me at the time, such as looking so much different than my parents and siblings. But then something changed – I had a baby.

Just before my 16th birthday, I birthed a beautiful baby boy. My parent’s initial reaction to my pregnancy was not hostile, but of much concern. Would I be able to experience the life they promised my birth mother? I wasn’t done growing up, nor was I in a position to support or care for a baby, so I gave him up to the best people I could find. And you know what? We – my birth mom, son and self – all turned out well.

Now, nearly 26 years later, I’m still sad, but it doesn’t consume me. I’m a relatively well-actualized and adjusted adult. Part of that came from finding my birth families, but it’s mostly because of Mattie’s relentless mothering.

My birth mom taught me that love can be painful, but Mattie, my real mom taught me that love conquers all.

SARAH  SCULL

SARAH SCULL

Sarah Scull is native of San Diego, California, now living in Creston, Iowa. She joined Creston News Advertiser's editorial staff in September 2012, where she has been the recipient of three 2020 Iowa Newspaper Association awards. She now serves as associate editor, writing for Creston News Advertiser, Creston Living and Southwest Iowa AgMag.