First stop, Creston!

NORTH POLE – It wouldn’t quite feel like Christmas without at least one illness and touch of stress for many households, and it’s no different for Santa Claus as he prepares to travel around the globe Friday.

“Well, I had a touch of tinselitis,” he said. “I’m getting over that. I’m doing fine.”

When asked if he’s been busy, he said, “Busy is an understatement.”

“Today there are more than 2.2 billion children on Earth. That means Santa has to visit nearly 396,000,000 households Christmas Eve,” he said.

He attributes his record-breaking delivery times to his fleet of reindeer – Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and the most famous reindeer of all, Rudolph.

Just as he felt like he was on the mend, Santa started to worry after Rudolph suffered an accident in which he lost his tail. However, he said it’s just a flesh wound.

“He went to the retail store to shop for a new one,” he said.

Santa said even though it’s a joyful time at the North Pole with the flurry of holiday activity, it’s also stressful as he’s been a little short-handed today.

“Mrs. Claus is at the beauty parlor getting a perma frost,” he said.

As Santa keeps a meticulous list of who’s naught or nice, it’s Mrs. Claus who makes the honey-do list to keep Santa on track.

“She’s the real MVP behind the operation,” he said. “She deserves some me time.”

This year, Santa said the most popular toy request is for “Pop its” – a sensory fidget toy consisting of a brightly-colored silicone tray with pokable bubbles.

“They are wildly popular,” he said. “My helpers can’t keep up, so I hired the Rice Krispie elves – Snap, Crackle and Pop to work on the push pop it production line.”

To most, Santa is known for overseeing the building of billions of toys. Santa said he also raises reindeer at the North Pole.

“They call me the Jolly Rancher,” he said. “It takes a a lot of rooty tootie toots and rumma tum tums to make Christmas work.”

As he’s tasked to please children across the world, Santa said he’s also focused on providing fair and equitable wages and benefits for his staff, which has been a challenge in recent years.

“Elf care is on the rise and the reindeer are asking for more bucks,” he said.

As he was asked about Elf care, Santa made one request.

“I would like the kids to keep leaving the cookies because I take them home and I give them to my workers and it increases their elf-esteem,” he said.

Santa said he loves living at the North Pole because he wants to be cool. In his spare time, he enjoys ice fishing and sneaking off with the Easter Bunny for a game of golf. When asked why they have to sneak around, Santa simply stated sometimes he just doesn’t want the Bogey brothers next door to invite themselves.

“They are bad news. Obnoxious and naughty,” Santa said, before admitting he’s just sick of the brothers drinking all their White Claus.

Speaking of naughty people, Santa was happy to report there are no naughty Crestonians on his list this year. The naughty kids he calls, “the rebels with no claus.” He said even if pressed for the names on his naughty list, he’s under a gag order preventing him from releasing those to the media.

While making his rounds visiting children in Creston this season, he said the most commonly asked question was, “How do you fit down a chimney?”

“Because it suits me,” he said.

While there are many helpers who pose as him, he did warn of at least one Santa impostor among us and wanted to dispell a rumor.

“You may have heard the rumor that grandma got run over by a reindeer? Well, the name of that reindeer is ‘Hasty’ and he isn’t one of my reindeer. He works for my cousin, Lost Claus, and he lives at the South Pole” Santa said. “He sometimes dresses up as Santa, so you have to be good all the time. You just don’t know which Santa is real.”

For those that doubt Santa’s existence, he said, “You have to believe. Always believe in your elf.”

For best Santa sleigh-spotting, Santa recommended to look out the window between 7 and 8 p.m. Dec. 24 as skies are expected to be clear from cloud cover. Santa said it’s rare to see him flying across the night sky with the naked eye, due to his high speed of travel, however, if a shooting star is spotted, you are one of the lucky few. Deliveries are slated to begin at 4:54 p.m. Friday, which is sundown on Christmas eve.

“My first stop is Creston, Iowa,” Santa said. “Because kids are always good in Creston, Iowa.”

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Rick Friday, Union County Supervisor, contributed to this story.