Falling in love, again

Editor’s note: In the week leading to Valentine’s Day, the CNA editorial staff is sharing stories about how some local couples met. Bob and Tara Hower’s story is the second of five love stories this week.

There’s a saying: “Love will find you when you least expect it.” For Bob and Tara Hower, this sentiment rings true.

When Bob and Tara first met in 2003, he and his wife Lori were friends with Tara Adamson’s parents. Tara had just returned to the area after serving in the U.S. Army Military Police Corp. Once in the area, she began to show up to gatherings the two families would host.

At the time, Tara was married. Both couples had children of their own. While they weren’t on regular speaking terms, their families were very close – often traveling and celebrating together. As years passed, Tara and Bob became closer friends.

On Christmas 2008, Bob’s wife Lori suffered a fatal heart attack. Bob said he was thankful for his friends who supported him through that time, despite being a “fifth wheel.”

With his daughter Megan in college and his son Dylan in his freshman year of high school, Bob recalled how difficult the initial grief was after losing his wife of nearly 24 years. He described it as feeling “lost and wandering.”

Bob said he attempted to date a year or so after his wife passed, but there was either no connection or the women he went on dates with took issue with any mention of her.

“It’s still my kids’ mom. It’s not like I have shrines. I have family pictures,” he said.

In 2015, Tara separated from her husband and moved from Tingley to Creston. As she recalled going through her second divorce, she remembered not wanting to marry again.

The Howers said their romantic connection grew slowly, but their friendship furthered after Bob contacted Tara about logistics of a poker run they were attending with family and friends.

“He asked me if my sister would be interested in riding along. All of us just knew each other, so it didn’t seem like anything. So she rode along. We started chatting after that,” said Tara.

Tara said, in prior relationships, she was always trying to escape and find time for herself, but with Bob, she enjoyed his company and conversation. Bob said, he and Tara have shared interests: travel, motorcycles, the Chicago Cubs and Pittsburgh Steelers, and gathering with family and friends.

“Bob was a friend first,” she said.

For Bob, he felt the same. But what stood out to him most was the respect she showed for Lori and his children. Bob recalled a time when Tara asked what he was up to and he told her he was headed to the cemetery.

“She said, ‘Oh, I’ll go with ya,’” Bob recalled. “I would have never got that from anyone else I had dated. They could have cared less. It meant a lot.”

When it comes to the relationships of the past, the Howers said it’s not a competition – it’s just different.

“A new chapter,” he said.

While Christmas Day is difficult for Bob, the Howers are establishing new rituals and traditions. Part of that includes honoring Bob’s late wife.

“We still go out to the cemetery on her birthday, on Mother’s Day,” said Tara.

“She’s the one who usually brings it up,” said Bob, who added that he sometimes stays so busy he loses track of what day it is.

A friend’s advice helps Bob as he moves forward in his relationship while grieving his past: “Deal with it in your own way. There’s no right or wrong way.”

“Some people get depressed and never come out of it. I told myself that wasn’t going to be me,” he said.