March 29, 2024

Open table, open hearts

As one Creston family prepares its Thanksgiving feast, they reflect on the importance of opening their home and celebrating with those in need

Just days before Thanksgiving 2005, Christy Smith, who worked as a Residence Life Director at Crowder College, was prepping for her normal dormitory closing procedures as students prepared to return home for the holiday.

“It was not uncommon to have several students unprepared for closings, but there was one particular young lady named Sara that really began to make a scene,” Smith said.

Smith said she spoke with Sara following a meeting with the student residents of the dorm. As she further explained the school’s policies and procedures and the reasons she could not stay, Sara became emotional and difficult to hold a conversation with.

“I abruptly ended this conversation with the firm statement that if she did not check out by 5 p.m. that day, I would have her escorted out by campus security ... and fines would ensue,” said Smith. “I have always been a big follower of rules and regulations without remorse of any flexibility to a fault.”

Fast forward to check-out day and Sara was escorted off campus. Smith said, as they exited the foyer, Sara cried hysterically and apologized for not following the rules. She asked if she could return after the break and was relieved to learn that she could. Sara left in her vehicle and Smith said she was excited to finally have some time off to spend with her family.

The next day, Smith went to Walmart to purchase groceries to prep for her family’s Thanksgiving dinner. On her drive back home, she noticed a car parked on the side of the highway in an odd location near the campus dorms. She saw someone in the driver’s seat, so she stopped to make sure they were OK.

“I knocked on the window of the car and immediately realized it was Sara,” Smith said. “Upon rolling her window down, the tears immediately began streaming down her face. I asked her what she was doing ... her response to this day still rocks my soul.”

After some shed tears, hugging and an explanation of why Sara could not go home for the holidays, Smith insisted Sara follow her home. Sara became her “bonus daughter” and the Smiths became Sara’s holiday host family.

First Thanksgiving

The Smiths did not have much space, but their living room sofa became Sara’s bed and a broom closet was converted into storage for her clothes. The next morning, the Smiths began their traditional holiday activities and noticed Sara was extremely distant.

“I got up, grabbed her hand and led her to our table,” said Smith. “We both began to cry as we scooped out our mashed potatoes and slices of turkey. It was not until that moment that I realized just how important the holidays and being a part of a family are – the simple joy of table side story-telling, sounds of laughter, and feeling the safety of an unconditional love.

Reflecting upon their first interaction, Smith said she is embarrassed that she did not find a kinder approach.

“Sara helped me to find the person I needed to be versus the painfully honest, strict and tough person I had always been,” said Smith.

Sara continued to join the Smiths for several holidays during college and many after graduation, even after the Smiths moved out of state.

“We became family,” Smith said.

A new tradition

Following that first Thanksgiving with Sara, Smith began to create host family arrangements for other students in need. She said it did not take long because she began to see some patterns.

“Many of the groups that were in need fell into the international student groups, those that had aged-out of foster care after high school, many that had been ‘disowned’ after ‘coming out of the closet,’ and many that lived too far away to only go home for a few days,” Smith said.

Once she figured out how many students were in need, she began the daunting task of placing them with families comprised of the school’s faculty and staff. Smith said she took the placements seriously and tried to ensure each student was placed in a happy and healthy environment.

“For example, a single woman with a young female student with a history of abuse from males or vice versa. I tried to place students of the LGBTQ+ community with strong LGBTQ+ allies or personally of the same community and so forth,” she said.

When her husband Brian “Bull” Smith was offered employment as the head baseball coach at Southwestern Community College in 2008, the Smiths relocated from Missouri to Iowa, where they continued the tradition of opening their home to students during the holidays. No longer working as a residential director, the Smiths turned their focus to helping Bull’s athletes, some of which couldn’t return home because their families lived out of the country and returning home for a long weekend didn’t permit time for travel.

“One Thanksgiving we took in two baseball players from Ecuador and I chose to cook a meal from their heritage for our Thanksgiving dinner,” said Bull. “I wanted to make them feel at home. They are stuck a couple thousand miles away from home and we wanted them to feel accepted and happy.”

Lessons

In breaking the proverbial bread at their dinner table each Thanksgiving with strangers of varied diversity, Christy said the most beautiful thing she has gained is the ability to do some deep critical thinking about one’s own upbringing, ideas and bias. Her husband echoed the sentiment.

“I love different cultures and I like to know how other people view things,” said Bull. “I am open-minded, so I do not get confrontational and I like hearing other views. Just because I do not agree with someone’s opinion doesn’t mean I can’t acknowledge their outlook.”

The Smiths’ 18-year-old daughter Sasha was just three years old when her parents began hosting others in their home for the holidays or during times of need. She values the example they have set.

“My parents have taught me to be an accepting and open-minded individual,” said Sasha. “I’ve learned to listen to other people’s opinions, to take other people’s feelings into consideration, to educate myself on our society and what I can do to better it, to be outspoken on my beliefs, especially to defend those of different backgrounds, whether it’s religiously, racially, or relating to gender and sexuality.”

According information from The Trevor Project and the Center for Disease Control, suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people ages 10 to 24. Suicide among LGBTQ youth is almost three times that rate. Sasha said the stats alarmed her and that she has hosted several friends whose families have casted them out.

“I’ve had several friends who feel judged and unwanted within their own home and it hurts me to hear their stories,” Sasha said. “I’ve also had other non-LGBTQ+ friends who have suffered abuse and sexual assault that need a place to feel safe or a place where they can just escape. The same thing applies for people who feel under attack for their religious beliefs or their racial backgrounds. You help them. If you have the ability to be kind toward another person, you have the ability to go out of your way to take care of them when they need it most. If that means opening up a spare room or sharing your room for them then so be it. ... The world could use some basic human kindness.”

2020

This year has been very challenging for many people and the Smiths hope to encourage others to pay attention, and open their hearts and minds to the struggles others may be enduring – often in silence.

“More than anything, you never know what impact you can be making, not only for that person, but for your own family,” said Bull. “It is especially important during the holidays when known suicide rates are at their highest to show others you care.”

He added that he wants people to know that if there are people in need of a family, a safe space or simply in need of help, there are people out there ready and willing.

Sasha said welcoming others to celebrate provides them with a sense of belonging, family and happiness, but most of all, of feeling wanted.

“No one wants to feel alone and doing something kind for someone can make them feel wanted and worth while,” said Sasha. “Having someone stay for the holidays is a major way to bring joy to someone’s life, even if it’s for a short while.”

Thankful

Due to the number of people she has hosted, Christy has been nicknamed “Momma Smith.” As she reflects on prior years when she’s been able to host up to seven additional guests, she said what she’s most thankful for this year is the ability to learn to love strangers and become family to so many.

“I am blessed to be the biological mother to Sasha starting in 2002, but I have been able to continue becoming a mother to many others ever since 2005!” she said.

Christy said she believes, with all of her heart, that everyone deserves to feel like they belong somewhere – especially during the holiday season.

“We may not have much money or a big house, but we are so blessed by a community of people that many others have not had the chance to have in their lives. I don’t care if someone is black, white, tan, gay, wealthy or poor, I simply choose to care about everyone. I love being Momma Smith!”