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‘A turkey will be pardoning the president’

HOLLYWOOD--God bless America, and how’s everybody?

The National Retail Federation reported that Americans this year will spend over one trillion dollars on Christmas. There is concern the holiday is losing its focus on the sacred. Luckily we always have Joe Biden to remind us never to forget the true meaning of Christmas, the birth of Santa.

The National Highway Transportation Safety Board issued a holiday warning Sunday for people to refrain from drinking while driving this week. All over the country reports say highway fatalities caused by alcohol are on the rise. This pretty much clears Coors Light of any responsibility.

Johns Hopkins University Hospital had to pay out financial damages to an OB-GYN patient who had been secretly taped during her exam by a hospital gynecologist using a hidden camera. No one ever knew. He was exposed when she recognized herself on Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

The London Daily Mail reports Prince Andrew flew off to Portugal to escape the media glare over his dismissal from royal duties. On Friday Prince Andrew’s birthday plans were canceled by Queen Elizabeth, but it could have been worse. They could have been canceled by Hillary Clinton.

House Impeachment hearings witnesses expressed their resistance to change in establishment policy in Ukraine brought on by President Trump. He likes to move things around. This year for Thanksgiving, they’re changing it up at the White House and a turkey will be pardoning the president.

Hunter Biden may testify about his Ukraine and China money deals after he was kicked out of the Navy for cocaine. He also has women scandals. The shame is, Democrats are so distracted by their hatred of Trump, they don’t realize they FINALLY have a Biden who could get elected president.

House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff gaveled the impeachment hearings to a merciful close Friday. The Democratic Members weren’t exactly trotting out their A-team last week. The way Adam Schiff stares at a camera you’d think he just got spotlighted by the game warden.

Democratic candidate Michael Bloomberg declared Sunday he will not make the same mistake Hillary Clinton made in the 2016 campaign by not campaigning in Michigan and Wisconsin. If he gets the nomination, he will buy Michigan and Wisconsin. It certainly beats having to go there.

San Francisco’s newly elected District Attorney made national news on election night when he announced that he will not arrest anyone for public urination inside the city limits. I hear they are remaking a TV series based on the movie On Golden Pond. It’s called the Streets of San Francisco.

British Heritage magazine this month details the Viking ancestry of Northeast England as well as of the conquering Normans. Scientists studying Viking remains were surprised to find half the Vikings were women. A shock to nobody who ever saw the doors open at WalMart on Black Friday.

Elon Musk had a disastrous rollout of his bulletproof Tesla vehicle Friday before an audience who saw a guy shatter the bulletproof window with a thrown rock. The bulletproof Tesla is definitely way ahead of its time. They should have released it after all firearms have been confiscated.

The Drug Enforcement Agency reported Friday that Southern states are overwhelmed by meth production despite federal and state efforts to break it up. Last week, a couple was arrested in rural Florida for cooking meth in a public library. They were busted in the How to Cook Meth section.

MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred said one of his goals is to expand the game of baseball past the Western Hemispheres and Asia. It was announced Saudi Arabia is putting together a baseball team, but the rules must respect their culture. Yesterday a runner stole second so they cut off his hand.

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