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Perhaps a few chapters of getting old and senile were misplaced, out of order or just plain lost. I know the meaning of the “golden years” in plain English: someone will inherit your gold.

A few of life’s evolutions are almost forgotten regarding scrubbing the kitchen floor. Age 20-40: on hands and knees, 40-60: sponge mop and over 60: just throw a little water on the floor, swirl around with foot. All done!

And let’s not forget girl talk. Fifteen to 20: boyfriends; 30-40: husbands, babies and kids; 50-60: pets and husbands; 60: pets.

Suspect by now the double roll of toilet paper has evolved back to the size of the single roll.

I doubt we ever see a male singer with a crew cut. Some with the long hair just swirl their heads in grotesque circles as if a queen bee has just landed and a swarm of bees are about to encircle their body or trying to get rid of head lice or bed bugs. Some of the dancers grimace as if in excruciating pain and dreading a need hip replacement soon.

“Open here” means get the scissors or chain saw and “new and improved” means we’ve hidden the switch. Parents keep better track of their cell phones than offspring. I’d like to order that new product but talking so fast it is still a mystery who to call for details.

Weather forecasters and radar are predicting a huge winter storm approaching from the north with a slight dusting of snow, maybe, perhaps, possibly, indicates?

Scary ad, donate your old car or truck to the legally blind?

We found a better substitute made with real meat and real cheese.

Decadent has evolved from decay to delicious and shredded pork to “pulled.”

Love names of some retirement villages: Pheasant Run, Quail Ridge, Deer Creek. Would anyone consider Skunk Hollow, Possum Gulch, or Poverty Place?

Place your bets Survivor will never be filmed in the frozen Arctic.

Remember when most of the advertising TV was soap and toothpaste and the cowboys just suffered from “flesh wounds,” and “water closet” and “darn” were vulgar words?

Compare your grad picture with the latest church directory. Now that’s evolution.

But there is still hope. After 100 years there are now 15 kinds of Oreo cookies. Is there any romance left? Take your choice and flip a coin, cookies or romance. Try them; they’re both incredibly sweet.

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