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Argus Hamilton

Biden’s switcheroo

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody?

The Weather Channel reported the Santa Ana winds arrived in Southern California Monday, baking Los Angeles in one hundred degree heat. It required desperate measures to stay cool. It’s so hot in Hollywood that people are saying nice things about President Trump just for the cold stares.

The Hollywood Reporter noted that Sunday night’s Tony Awards on CBS set a record for the lowest TV viewer ratings in history. Nevertheless, scheduling the Tony Awards on the final Sunday of Gay Pride Week was the perfect combination. It’s like when Cinco de Mayo falls on Taco Tuesday.

Travel Magazine published a survey revealing that a record number of American tourists are planning to vacation abroad this summer, despite State Department warnings. I’ve just finished booking my own vacation to the Dominican Republic. I fly down there first class and I fly back cargo.

Boston Red Sox legend David Ortiz was released from the hospital in Santo Domingo Monday after he was shot in the Dominican Republic Friday. He’s fine but he’ll never regain use of his Dominican Republic citizenship. Ortiz is back in the U.S. where he will be made an honorary Citizen of Chicago.

Joe Biden was shown in a nationwide poll defeating Donald Trump by 53% to 41% on Friday. I think it’s a sucker poll. If the Democrats nominate Joe Biden, I believe it again will give President Trump the chance to prove that Americans will take crazy over stupid every time.

House Oversight Committee Chairman Gerald Nadler vowed to soldier on in his impeachment probe of President Trump. Nadler on Monday trotted out Watergate ghost John Dean to testify against the president. I can’t wait to hear what Johnny Carson says about it tonight in the monologue.

New York shut down Monday after a small helicopter crashed into the top of a seventy-five story building. It surprised me that a helicopter hitting a rock-solid skyscraper caused such panic. My first reaction to the news was, somebody needs to tell Al-Qaeda that the recession is over.

Iowa held its Democratic Party Dinner and Dance Saturday where by tradition, the Democratic candidates give speeches. Iowans love these feasts. The attendees devoured 1,000 steaks, 1,500 sweet potatoes and 1,600 ears of corn, and the band’s drummer is missing.

Joe Biden was a no-show at the Iowa Democratic Dinner Saturday as his poll numbers began to drop. He needs to buck up. Last week, Joe Biden switched his lifetime position on abortion after he was confronted about it by Hollywood actress Alyssa Milano, but the smell of her hair was worth it.

The All England Club is preparing to host the Wimbledon Tennis Championships in London this month, televised on CBS. The women’s tennis matches are always riveting, if sometimes a little embarrassing. Wimbledon is that time of year when blind viewers think that CBS is airing porn.

NASA will sell seats aboard the Space Station to tourists willing to pay for the ticket. For $60 million you watch 17 sunrises while orbiting the earth at 17,000 miles an hour. Or for $20 you can see the same thing at the same speed by dropping a tab of LSD.

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