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How can Trump sleep at night?

President Trump enjoyed a rare day of universal press acclaim for his speech in Normandy in France, even grudging praise from his cable news foes. Pundits wonder how Trump can sleep at night knowing how much CNN and MSNBC hate him. The answer is, naked and with a supermodel.

West Hollywood will host a million Gay Pride Parade celebrants on Santa Monica Boulevard Sunday. It’s a rainbow world here. I once told Match.Com I want to marry a straight, Southern, single Episcopalian or Methodist girl living in West Hollywood and they recommended the priesthood.

The Chicago Police Department reported fifty-two people were shot on the streets last weekend following the previous weekend’s tally of 40 people shot. The emergency room lists of wounded don’t lie. So many people are getting shot in Chicago that statistically it’s safer to marry Robert Blake.

The TSA Canine Adoption Program is seeking dog lovers to adopt former police drug-sniffing dogs as household pets. They’re a big investment. Each police dog costs you about $100 a month in dog food, $20 in flea and tick spray, and $600 in cocaine.

President Trump enjoyed favorable reviews in England for his state visit with the Queen. He’ll compare better now. Britain’s latest personal approval poll had Obama at 72% approval and Trump at 21% approval and George Washington at 0% approval.

Nancy Pelosi lost her composure trying to control a House caucus and exclaimed she wanted Trump not impeached but in prison. The possibility certainly has their hearts palpitating at Netflix. If President Trump goes to federal prison, then there can be no doubt that Orange is the New Black.

This Old House is offering home improvement and redecorating kits to viewers and newsletter subscribers this week. They say creating a home is a labor of love. On tonight’s This Old House episode, learn how to turn your old sofa into a sofa bed simply by forgetting your wedding anniversary.

The Darwin Awards went to the Florida Panhandle again last week after state police arrested a man Tuesday morning for completely covering his naked, sleeping girlfriend in ketchup as she slept. Who does he think he is, Heinzfinger? Apparently he thought safe sex meant using a condiment.

Elizabeth Warren was applauded in New York for voicing strong support for laws that protect women’s choice, citing human and constitutional rights. New York City is home to America’s only radical feminist independent book store. You can’t touch any of the merchandise without its consent.

The Beverly Hills City Council approved a bill Thursday to make Beverly Hills the first city in the world to ban the sale of almost all tobacco products. How stupid is California? With the local, state and federal taxes added in, a pack of cigarettes is now $12, making crack cost-effective.

Democrats are planning a town hall meeting in July featuring psychiatrists who’ll say Trump is unfit due to Multiple Personality Disorder. There can’t be more than one of him. Multiple Personality Disorder is God’s way of saying that you’re going to need more than one Twitter account.

Jeff Bezos told the New York Post that space exploration will be needed to save the Earth. Jeff was in New York City buying three adjoining apartments for $80 million. It’s sad to see a guy get divorced, lose his house, and then be forced to move into a smaller and cheaper living space.

Boston will hold a Straight Pride Parade to glorify the contributions straight people in Boston have made to our nation. Their lore alone is worth a parade. Whenever Jackie Kennedy wanted to have sex with President Kennedy she had to don a blonde wig and wait her turn in the secretarial pool.

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