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Argus Hamilton

‘Swear in the presence of God’

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody?

The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is a TV viewer favorite tomorrow airing live from New York. Hopefully it won’t be too windy for the parade of giant balloons as well. Millions of people will be tuning in just to watch the Prince Andrew Balloon try to wake up the Sleeping Beauty Balloon.

Las Vegas is awaiting three hundred thousand tourists to arrive for Thanksgiving week from all over the world. However, Americans shouldn’t expect any holiday feast bargains. Last year, Las Vegas legalized marijuana, putting an end once and for all to the all you can eat buffetts.

Thanksgiving marks the day the English settlers broke bread with the Indians in Plymouth. It was a fine day. The English read greetings from the great father King James across the ocean, while Indians recited ancient tribal lore, like never hit on sixteen if the dealer is showing a face card.

President Trump pardoned a couple of big white turkeys named Bread and Butter, prompting his opponents to say of course he pardoned them, they are white. However, it does not always end well. One of the turkeys Trump pardoned last year is reportedly back on the streets committing crimes.

The Department of Transportation says 50 million Americans today will travel to reach our Thanksgiving destinations. President Trump will be in Florida with his family. They will gather at the table, bow their heads, and swear in the presence of God that none of them are wearing a wire.

Thanksgiving Day in Los Angeles is especially enjoyed by the locals because there is virtually no street or freeway traffic. Last year, I celebrated Thanksgiving the traditional way. I invited my neighbors over to my house and we enjoyed a huge feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

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