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South Dakota: ‘Meth, We’re On It!’

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

The Hollywood Christmas Parade goes down Hollywood Boulevard Sunday with movie stars waving to the crowd from convertibles as Christmas lights strung around roofs in Beverly Hills glisten. What do Christmas lights have in common with Jeffrey Epstein? They don’t hang themselves.

National Geographic reported that a baby camel has been born at the world-renowned St. Louis Zoo and they named the baby camel Alexander Hamilton. That’s about the best they could do for him. A camel has to go 33 years without a drink before they can name him Argus Hamilton.

South Dakota paid a public relations firm $500,000 dollars to compose a catchy and determined billboard slogan for the state’s battle against meth addiction. The new slogan they adopted is Meth, We’re On It! It inspired Bakersfield to adopt a slogan of their own, So Are We!

The Wall Street Journal published an article examining the physical fitness of the Democratic presidential candidates who are in their seventies. Joe Biden’s daily physical fitness workouts include swimming naked late at night in a cold swimming pool. No wonder he’s shrinking in the polls.

President Trump went to Walter Reed Hospital for his annual physical Saturday. And then the media panicked everyone into thinking he had just suffered a heart attack. Immediately Nancy Pelosi put partisanship aside and sent a double-chili cheese dog and steak fries to Trump’s hospital room.

The White House reported that the First Family will be celebrating Thanksgiving together at their Mar-a-Lago resort in Palm Beach, Florida. The president has certain duties ahead of that. Donald Trump will be pardoning a turkey Wednesday and Roger Stone is keeping his fingers crossed.

Swaggering GOP dirty trickster operative Roger Stone, famous for his large tattoo of Richard Nixon on his back, was found guilty on seven counts in Washington Friday. At the federal level, justice is swift. Roger was convicted only one week ago, and already Hillary is writing his suicide note.

Wall Street continued celebrating Tuesday as the Dow Jones average soared to record heights once again. The economic news continues to improve, even for the poor. The Democrats have no comeback when Trump points out that ever since he became president, we’re living in bigger cars.

The Environmental Protection Agency released a study saying that Provo, Utah, has the worst air quality because everybody in the city drives. No one takes the bus. According to the Census Bureau, the city is 99% white, and one percent What the Hell are You Doing in Provo?

Fox News reported a poll indicating no American minds can be changed about impeachment one way or the other. The hearings are getting terrible ratings and the nation is turning to foreign news for information. I was saddened to hear of Prince Andrew’s fatal skydiving accident next week.

Prince Andrew agreed to an ill-advised interview with BBC about Jeffrey Epstein in which he denied ever bedding underage girls at Epstein’s mansion. The photos say otherwise. It appears Prince Andrew prefers his whiskey the same way he likes his women, 12 years old and full of coke.

The London Guardian piled on Prince Andrew Sunday, publishing anonymous complaints that Andrew frequently uses the N-word while he’s inside Buckingham Palace or about among friends. That could be a habit that takes work to break. For the umpteenth time, Andrew, her name is Megan.

Rap superstar Kanye West appeared onstage and preached at Joel Osteen’s mega-church in Houston Sunday and talked about the gospel of plenty. Kanye announced that he’s considering changing his name to Brilliant Christian Billionaire. While I think a better handle would be Cray-Z.

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