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Argus Hamilton

‘One day you’re on the cover of Time’

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

The National Football League strengthened its Player Code of Conduct this season in order to protect the players from dirty play. Sometimes pro football can get really rough. I turned on the Browns-Steelers Thursday night, and at the end of the game a House impeachment hearing broke out.

Swaggering GOP operative Roger Stone was convicted of lying to Congress, witness tampering and obstruction. The man with a huge tattoo of Richard Nixon on his back could go to prison for 20 years. Well that’s politics, one day you’re on the cover of Time and the next day you’re doing it.

Dr. Oz show hosted Jeffrey Epstein accusers to discuss the effect that the infamous pedophile had on them after being seduced into his world while underage. Prince Andrew doesn’t need to worry about all these allegations. He needs to worry about the Alzheimer’s he’s suddenly developing.

President Trump traveled by motorcade to Walter Reed Hospital in Washington, D.C. Saturday to undergo a surprise medical exam that hadn’t been on the White House calendar. It was a good thing Trump went when he did. Doctors found an entire Democratic House sub-committee up his rear.

Nancy Pelosi on Sunday invited President Trump to testify at her impeachment inquiry. She said what Trump did was much worse than what Nixon did. Trump can’t sue her for libel or slander, because the new DA allows San Francisco residents to pee on anyone they like, anywhere they like.

Mexico City newspapers report a local man, presumably drunk, accidentally shot and killed himself when he had a pistol in one hand and his phone in the other, and he took a selfie with the wrong hand. Police ruled it justifiable homicide. This is why we don’t have open-carry in Los Angeles.

Wall Street celebrated on Friday as the Dow Jones average crashed through the 28,000 mark for the first time in history. The market was reacting to the new jobs numbers. President Trump has unemployment numbers so low he even got Colin Kaepernick a job interview.

Mayor Pete Buttigieg moved into the lead in Iowa in a CNN poll released Friday. The openly gay candidate even seems to be doing fairly well with the Evangelicals. Southern Democrats allow that while they could totally support Mayor Pete for president, getting behind him is a whole other matter.

Democratic candidate Joe Biden campaigned in Southern California last weekend and he took questions from the audience in Santa Monica on the topics of the day. He’s always good for an honest reaction. Joe Biden came right out and declared he doesn’t believe that Einstein killed himself.

Hillary Clinton said she’s being urged to run for president Friday despite a crowded field that includes Liz, Biden, Bernie and Bloomberg. Their combined age is 374 years. Friday, someone complimented Michael Bloomberg on his alligator shoes and he was barefoot.

The Auto Club reported that Millennials rely almost exclusively on GPS for directions while driving. I may have to learn how to use it. Last week I got lost in San Diego, and I got the feeling I’d driven into a dangerous neighborhood when I saw a motel whose marquee boasted As Seen on COPS.

Fox News reported an outbreak of violence at fast food restaurants Friday including stabbing deaths at a Burger King and a Popeye’s Chicken. A McDonald’s cook in Philly was arrested for selling crack to the restaurant’s customers. What’s worse, it was the healthiest thing on the menu.

The Hollywood Reporter noted that cable companies such as Spectrum are offering new lower monthly fees to keep people from cutting the cord. Reception can get goofy. Last night I was getting C-SPAN and the Home Shopping Network on the same channel and I actually bought a congressman.

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