‘White Christmas’ is next

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

Kelly Clarkson recorded “Baby It’s Cold Outside” with new lyrics so that feminists won’t be able to claim the holiday song doesn’t promote date rape. It never ends. If Progressives are offended by “Baby It’s Cold Outside” because it is politically incorrect, then I fear for the future of “White Christmas.”

The LSU Tigers led by Joe Burrow beat Alabama Saturday with President Trump sitting in the stadium. Trump got a huge cheer from the crowd. My guess is that during the game, Trump subconsciously rooted for LSU because to a New Yorker’s ear Go Bama sounds too much like Obama.

Oklahoma prisons set free a large number of drug-convicted prisoners Monday in compliance with the state’s newly-passed prison reform law. Federal prisons are doing the same thing this week. Upon release, each convict gets fifty dollars, a new suit and his old job back with the Oakland Raiders.

CBS fired its newly-hired-from-ABC producer Ashley Bianco, believing she had leaked a tape of ABC anchor Amy Robach fuming in the office over ABC killing her expose of Jeffrey Epstein. Most coroners who saw the autopsy report believe Epstein died by hanging. Around with the Clintons.

Kanye West gave a confessional interview after holding a Louisiana religious revival last week and explained why he needs to preach the gospel. He just admitted he’s addicted to porn. The good thing about having that addiction is, Kanye can be touring on the road and still see his wife every day.

The U.S. Capitol was empty of House investigators and defense counsels Monday as the federal government took the weekend off to honor our nation’s armed services veterans. On Veterans Day, I believe it’s important we remember all the lawyers who died in both world wars. It lightens the mood.

House Democrats will open hearings Wednesday to determine if President Trump committed quid pro quo with Ukraine, perish the thought. Quid pro quo is the oldest tactic in the history of diplomacy. Five years ago President Obama recognized Cuba because he always wanted a ’53 Chevy.

The Independent Life Insurance Brokers Association convention met in Dallas Friday. Their field is an exact science. I just filled out a life insurance application and they asked me if I ever engage in any high risk activities like skydiving, scuba diving or standing in line for Popeye’s chicken.

China inched near a U.S. trade deal to re-open both Chinese exports to the U.S. and free up the recently bottled-up China-to-U.S. capital flow. The West Coast is bracing for the investors. Chinese millionaires have phone sex by reading each other the Los Angeles Times Sunday Real Estate section.

Science News is urging researchers to publish their findings and discoveries in plain English so as to interest more young people in science. Last weekend, I heard a news bulletin announcing that scientists have developed a drug that cures fears. Translation: scientists have discovered whiskey.

Psychology Today published a study of how high technology is changing our value system. L.A. leads the way in different values. You could snort a line of cocaine off a bare iPhone at any bar in Hollywood, and onlookers will immediately scold you how dangerous it is not to have a phone case.