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Argus Hamilton

Pope to allow Amazon priests to be married?

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

The Houston Astros host the Washington Nationals tonight in Game Six of the World Series after sweeping the Nationals in three straight games in DC last weekend. Game Five on Sunday included a visit by President Trump to the ballgame. He was there to throw out the first dead terrorist.

ISIS spiritual leader al-Baghdadi was tracked down and cornered by U.S. Army Rangers inside Russian-held northern Syria on Saturday where he blew himself up as they approached him. Hey, that’s show business. One day you’re all over the front page, the next day you’re all over the pavement.

President Trump ordered Army Rangers to hunt down ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi who when cornered blew up himself and three of his kids. The media didn’t blink. Fox News said Trump killed the world’s worst terrorist and CNN reported that Trump murdered an unarmed father of three.

Fox News reported that ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi pulled the lever on his suicide vest and blew himself up. That’s one way to get out from under your student loans. Baghdadi decided to kill himself after Army Rangers cornered him inside his cave and told him Trump could get reelected.

House Democrats on the Intelligence Committee protested that they were not informed ahead of time of the raid on the ISIS leader and accused Trump of violating protocol. God forbid Trump enjoy a good news day. A lower court just ordered the Trump administration to un-kill the ISIS leader.

Nancy Pelosi issued a statement praising the U.S. Army Rangers for their bravery and splendid performance. Joe Biden vowed we will pursue ISIS to the Gates of Hell. Although it seems a little cruel to tempt Republicans to lie, cheat and steal in the belief that hell is going to be a gated community.

Pope Francis vowed to issue a ruling by New Year’s Day on allowing priests serving in the Amazon jungle of Brazil to be married. Last week Bishops meeting in Rome urged the pope to allow priests who were ordained in remote areas to be married. Then they volunteered for the missionary positions.

The National Highway Transportation Safety Board forecasts that next month’s Thanksgiving week will set records for the most number of Americans traveling. It’s our ritual. Thanksgiving is the occasion when Americans get together to sit at the table and worship their one true god, eating.

Taylor Swift gave interviews to celebrate the 13th anniversary of the release of her self-titled debut album. She revealed a secret of how she cranks out so many hits. Taylor Swift sits down and composes her hits following one simple rule, never record a song longer than a relationship.

The NBA was slammed for apologizing to China for a Houston GM’s tweet backing the Hong Kong protestors. One hero refused to bow meekly. Shaquille O’Neal just endorsed the Hong Kong protestors, putting them on the same level as Gold Bond Powder, cheap car insurance and Icy Hot.

NBA games last week were interrupted by pro-Hong Kong protestors angry over the league’s bowing to China’s repression. Hong Kong rioters are demanding support from the United States. It’s a self-governing former British colony that’s now wholly owned by China, and so is Hong Kong.

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