HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Argus Hamilton’s Comedy Store Tonight on YouTube tonight boasts the great Bill Burr as my guest after my monologue. He just shot a special at London’s Royal Albert Hall. Tune in, the last time a Hamilton met with a Burr, only one of them killed, and we hope to double that number tonight.
Southern California fire fighters rushed into action Friday to battle the blazes that threatened lives and burned many homes rimming the San Fernando Valley. On Sunday, Harvey Weinstein woke up, looked outside his bedroom window and saw the roaring flames. He just assumed he’d died.
Ellen DeGeneres rebuked her leftist critics in Hollywood on Tuesday who accused her of being untrue to liberal values for befriending George W. Bush. Their attraction is perfectly natural. George likes Ellen because she’s so funny and smart, and Ellen likes him because, well, he IS a Bush.
Fox News star Shepard Smith shocked the cable news world Friday when he announced that he’s quitting. He was the one loyal Democrat in the Fox News lineup. Shep started with Fox News 23 years ago calling for the president to be impeached, and he’s been like a broken record ever since.
The White House got news Sunday that the whistleblower who wants to testify against Trump over the president’s call to Ukraine wants to testify in writing. Trump’s whistleblower doesn’t want his name released, saying he fears for his personal safety. He must have dirt on the Clintons, too.
Nancy Pelosi arranged for Trump’s impeachment hearing to be held in the House Intelligence Committee behind closed doors, allowing no defense lawyer present. Trump’s not allowed to produce any evidence or any witnesses and it’s done in secret. That’ll teach Trump to threaten our democracy.
President Trump addressed rallies in Minneapolis and Louisiana last week and defied House Democrats to impeach him. It looks like the House Intelligence Committee is about to trap Trump once and for all. Adam Schiff went shopping last weekend and he bought a portable hole from Acme.
Hillary Clinton and her daughter Chelsea are doing talk shows to plug their book about Gutsy Women. This week Chelsea Clinton is being urged to run for an open congressional seat next year in New York. She has tremendous name recognition and if she can overcome that, she could win.
President Trump returned from Minnesota and Louisiana rallies Saturday to speak to a Faith Based association meeting in Washington, D.C. I respect all religions, but as a comedian, I prefer Christianity. It’s the only religion I can make fun of without risking being killed within five minutes.
The Blue Angels roared over the Golden Gate Bridge in salute Friday as five Navy ships, a Coast Guard cutter and a Royal Navy ship entered San Francisco Bay for the sailors to enjoy shore leave. It’s Fleet Week in San Francisco and you know what that means. Next week is Penicillin Week.
The Nobel Peace Prize Committee overlooked teenage climate activist Greta Thunberg Friday even after we stole her noble hopes and dreams. I hope she can be patient. Underpaid miners in Congo and Zambia are digging up the cobalt as fast as they can to keep Greta’s electric car running.
Ethiopia’s Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed won the Nobel Peace Prize for mediating an end to his country’s war with Eritrea. Ahmed was in Oslo to receive the award along with his family and his cabinet. The awards banquet was cheap, it only took four grains of rice to feed each one of them.