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‘Something seemed missing’

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody?

President Trump startled the world Sunday by arranging a sudden meeting with Kim Jung Un at the border crossing between North and South Korea. Something seemed missing. It’s never dull when these two get together, but it just didn’t feel right without Dennis Rodman’s stabilizing presence.

Democratic Party presidential candidates in the debates on Wednesday and Thursday offered voters a dizzying array of goodies if elected. The bidding war became intense. Elizabeth Warren offered voters free college, Bernie Sanders offered free health care then Joe Biden offered eternal life.

The Democratic candidates fanned out Friday after the debates showed who could promise the voters the most free stuff and least border control. What’s an old Southern Democrat like me to do? After watching those debates, I sure hope the Russians trick me into voting for Queen Elizabeth again.

Joe Scarborough ripped the Democratic candidates for their debate performances Friday for wandering so far left they’re being mocked. There’s a new debates drinking game that sweeping the nation. Every time a candidate offers a free government program, you drink somebody else’s beer.

A Harvard University study released Friday shows that public Fourth of July celebrations tend to turn kids into conservatives. Reaction was swift. Teachers were horrified to hear it just takes a fireworks show and patriotic speech to undo one hundred and eighty days of public school education.

The Gone with the Wind mansion used as a model for Ashley Wilkes’ estate Twelve Oaks will go up for auction in Covington, Georgia Thursday. The bidding will start at $1 million for the old white plantation mansion. Joe Biden’s got his eyes on it for the Joe Biden Presidential Library.

Joe Biden got sandbagged in Thursday’s debate when Kamala Harris tried to make it look like Joe opposed racial public school integration in the ‘70s. That’s loopy. Apparently Kamala Harris thinks Barack Obama picked a segregationist to be his running mate to help balance the ticket.

Barack Obama was silent all weekend while his vice president was dragged over the coals and wrongfully suspected of past racist sins. It was only a matter of time before he snapped. Joe broke down on Sunday and admitted that yes, he owned slaves, but that it was okay, because they loved him.

New Age evangelist Marianne Williamson was in the debate Thursday sounding like a ‘60s hippie calling for peace and love to prevail. As loopy as she sounded, there IS a place where people love everyone, no matter their race, their color, their religion or sexuality. It’s a place I call Porn Hub.

WalMart has banned Cosmo magazine from checkout counters in 5,000 stores. Their magazine articles promise to teach women how they can enjoy greater sexual pleasure. WalMart has decided to provide that sexual pleasure for women by replacing the magazine with chocolate bars.

EU officials expressed worry that a post-Brexit England will make it easy to store and smuggle drugs onto the continent. Last week, French drug police discovered $40 million worth of pure cocaine inside crates marked Florida Orange Juice. Either way, it’s a great way to start your day.

CNN in Colorado Springs says an elderly lady accidentally drove her SUV into a resort hotel’s swimming pool after she mistakenly hit the accelerator instead of the brakes. She was rescued by startled sunbathers. Investigators say in her defense, she had the GPS set to Teddy Kennedy’s voice.

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