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Argus Hamilton

Jack the Ripper haircuts

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? 

The Weather Channel reported that the Santa Ana winds blew back into Los Angeles carrying spring pollen off the desert foliage into the city. Allergy sufferers are miserable. The pollen count in Southern California is so high that drug dealers are trying to convert their meth back into Sudafed.

NBC’s Saturday Night Live prompted Catholic church members and church officials to lodge protests against last week’s show because SNL made a joke about pedophile priests, but in my view, they’re burying the lead. The big news is that Saturday Night Live made a joke. It’s been years.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi addressed reporters Monday and announced that she would like the House to pass a bill that would lower the voting in age in federal elections to 16. It’s a great surprise that she wants to make 16 legal. It’s the first ray of hope R. Kelly has had all year.

President Trump and Brazil’s President Bolsonaro held a joint White House press conference Tuesday. They talked rainforest. Brazil’s rainforest produces 20 percent of the Earth’s oxygen while the Washington, D.C. press corps takes up 60 percent of that oxygen complaining about Trump.

British police used DNA to ascertain the identity of Jack the Ripper, who murdered London hookers in London in the 1890s. It revealed he was a Polish barber named Aaron Kominski. He did the most savage work ever till the introduction of Donald Trump and Kim Jung Un’s haircuts.

White House Counselor Kellyanne Conway’s husband George ripped into President Trump on Tuesday telling reporters he thinks Trump has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It’s a serious disease that affects one out of every one persons in L.A. We have tried to hold a Narcissistic Personality Disorder telethon in Los Angeles but no one will agree to perform unless they get to host the telethon.

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