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Argus Hamilton

‘Red is the New Yellow’

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody?

The Oscars ceremony was memorable Sunday for Spike Lee’s public flash of temper when his movie didn’t win Best Picture. He was reportedly furious that a movie about racism in Mexico won more Oscars than his movie about racism in America. All the sudden, Spike wants the wall built.

Coca-Cola scientists issued statements defending the soft drink against charges that Coca-Cola contributes to America’s obesity epidemic. Their scientists blamed poor eating habits and lack of exercise. If Coca-Cola really cared about the obesity problem, they’d put cocaine back in the recipe.

Chicago police described in detail the fake racist attack staged by Empire star Jussie Smollett last week. It’s a hot political topic now. Last night Elizabeth Warren said that two men dressed up in Colonial outfits assaulted her on the street and threw a smallpox-infected blanket over her head.

Marketplace Website reports Pfizer plans to release its own generic Viagra pill since its patent expired. The drug maker always emphasizes product safety. Viagra just issued a new warning that if your erection lasts as long as Robert Kraft’s, forget about the doctor and consult a defense attorney.

Palm Beach prosecutors explained Monday how cops identified the billionaires who procured sex at the Asian massage parlor in Jupiter. It’s an old story. Years ago Playboy tried publishing a magazine for married men but it failed because every month the centerfold featured the same woman.

The New York Post reports that Anthony Weiner, recently released from his year-and-a-half prison sentence for sexting with a minor, is going into the marijuana business. It’s called making amends. Weiner is trying to recover his reputation from being a Congressman by being a pot dealer.

President Trump addressed the National Governors Conference Monday and reported that the U.S. is making great progress in trade talks with China. They have the high-tech edge. If Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is the best we have in Artificial Intelligence, the Chinese have nothing to fear from us.

President Trump is meeting with North Korea’s dictator Kim Jung Un for a summit in Hanoi today. It’s a historic locale. Kim Jung Un opted to take a train from North Korea to Hanoi, rather than risk flying to Hanoi, showing more common sense than John McCain showed at the same age.

President Trump endured a seventeen-hour flight to Hanoi from Washington. Baby Boomers thought we’d never live to see a Republican president fly to a capitalist Hanoi to try to make peace with a communist North Korea. Jane Fonda doesn’t know WHOSE cannon to straddle at this point.

President Trump congratulated North Korea for suspending all nuclear tests and missile tests since their first summit together last year in Singapore. Since Trump became president, Russia has taken North Korea’s place making nuclear missile threats. Thanks to Orange, Red is the New Yellow.

Russian TV released a map of the United States that included the six targets of Russia’s new hyper-sonic nuclear missiles. The Pentagon explained that four of the target sites are no longer operational and Washington D.C. is one of them. Sometimes in my business the jokes write themselves.

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