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Argus Hamilton

Valentine's Day dementia

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody?

Consumer Reports said Americans spent $20 billion for Valentine’s Day. Last week I promised the Millennial I’m courting if I ever show any signs of dementia, I’ll kill myself before I put my loved ones through all that agony. She replied that was the fifth time I’d told her that tonight.

Valentine’s Day arrives today with a record number of Americans turning to online dating to find love. They say every fourteen minutes, someone finds love on e-Harmony. Unfortunately every 28 minutes, somebody finds the remains of someone who’d found love on e-Harmony.

The Philadelphia Inquirer reports that inmate Bill Cosby has been transferred out of the state prison’s special treatment wing and into the general population even though the comedian is now blind. It’s not so surprising. A lot of us said that Bill Cosby would never see the inside of a prison cell.

The Journal of the American Medical Association reports medical schools have been donated a large number of cadavers for classroom instruction this year. They can’t explain why all the bodies were donated. Perhaps veterans have finally figured out a way to get a doctor to look at them.

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