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Argus Hamilton

Everyone’s Trump when nobody’s looking

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody?

President Trump hosted the national football champion Clemson Tigers at the White House Monday for dinner. The chefs were furloughed by the shutdown. Not only did Trump feed them Big Macs, Wendy’s double burgers, and Kentucky Fried Chicken, he made Taco Bell pay for it.

President Trump posed for pictures next to all the Big Macs he bought for the Clemson Tigers banquet at the White House. He had fun. No one will say exactly how many Big Macs he had to buy to feed a football team, but the next morning, he drove by McDonald’s just to see the sign change.

The Enquirer caught Amazon’s Jeffrey Bezos in an affair with an L.A. news anchor last week, precipitating a possible seventy-billion-dollar divorce that could greatly weaken the value of Amazon’s stock. I’m a Baby Boomer, and don’t know anything about Amazon. It’s still a river to me.

The White House again offered to negotiate with House and Senate Democrats Tuesday in an effort to reach a border wall compromise. It was a day when the government shutdown reached its twenty-fifth day. When it hits thirty-five Trump plans to trade it in for a younger, prettier shutdown.

President Trump clarified himself Thursday saying Mexico won’t pay for a wall with a check, but with money we make from the new trade deal. Goods are moving. Since the shutdown, Mexico has been sending a record number of bricks our way, but we can’t build an entire wall out of cocaine.

Nancy Pelosi’s lawn party at her San Francisco estate was crashed by a journalist and ten people dressed like illegal immigrants who climbed over her ten-foot wall. She didn’t take them in, feed them or give them health care or schooling, she had them arrested. Everyone’s Trump when nobody’s looking.

President Trump told a convention of farmers Friday he’ll arrange easy access for vetted farm workers to cross the border. They may be needed elsewhere. China announced they’re growing cotton on the moon, which prompted the U.S. Agriculture Department to offer China millions to plow it under.

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