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Argus Hamilton

Daylight Saving Time

HOLLYWOOD – God Bless America, and how’s everybody?

The Department of Transportation warned Tuesday this year’s Thanksgiving weekend travel volume will be the heaviest in U.S. history. I plan to celebrate an old fashioned Thanksgiving Day. I’m going to invite my neighbors over for an enormous feast, and then kill them and take their land.

The United Nations voted to condemn the U.S. government for its embargo on trade with Cuba which is having a devastating effect on the island’s economy. It’s pretty bad. Cuba is reporting a shortage of beer and condoms, which has pretty much put Saturday night on hold until further notice.

New York educators expressed anger over Daylight Saving Time going into effect on Sunday saying that the earlier sundown limits afterschool activities. It throws off everyone’s schedule for awhile. Due to the time change on Saturday, Alec Baldwin was having to clock people an hour earlier.

The PGA announced the former Bob Hope Desert Classic tournament in Palm Springs will be played without a sponsor. It’s a lot of fun. The celebrity pro-am is played over five nearby golf courses, and Charles Barkley never knows which one he’s going to play until he hits his first tee shot.

Democrats won control of the House Tuesday, leaving Maxine Waters in charge of the House Banking Committee. She can now subpoena Trump’s banking records. I knew that Election Day would provide a surprise when I saw Vladimir Putin on TV that morning wearing an I Voted sticker.

The Wall Street Journal said the midterm elections Tuesday turned out to be a draw between parties and interest groups. Democrats won the House but Republicans increased their hold on the Senate. California was able to ban plastic straws but most people use rolled up dollar bills anyway.

California voters elected Democratic San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsome governor Tuesday by a huge margin. Democrats are in such a majority that local ballot initiatives are the only issues that are hotly contested at the ballot box. I do live in Beverly Hills so I voted Yes on Sparkling Water. 

Election Day showed how hard it is for pollsters to predict elections because 40 percent of the vote is mailed in. Candidates should stop promising to cut taxes, provide health care, or guard the border if elected to office. If you give away a free taco with every vote, you can change the world.

The L.A. Times called for a more humane attitude toward the migrant caravans heading for the U.S. border. It fell on deaf ears. Last week, some teachers in Idaho got in trouble when they dressed up for a Halloween school party as Trump’s border wall and the Latino students just can’t get over it. 

Department of Defense auditors probing over-charging found that the Pentagon spent $76 for a screw. You can imagine the reaction in the Oval Office. When Donald Trump heard the Pentagon spent $76 for one screw, he give them a medal for Holding Down Costs.

The National Retail Federation reports this year’s Christmas sales will pass a trillion dollars for the first time. The opening day of mall shopping is terrifying. Guys who participate in the Running of the Bulls every year fly to the U.S. just to say they’ve done Black Friday once and survived.

Beverly Hills plastic surgeons were surveyed Tuesday to find out the most popular procedures that women are requesting for their bodies this holiday season. The survey said breast reduction is by far the most requested operation. That makes sense, women look much better with just two of them.

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