HOLLYWOOD – God Bless America, and how’s everybody?
Los Angeles Dodgers manager Dave Roberts found his job in jeopardy Sunday after he badly mismanaged the pitching staff while losing the World Series to Boston. Fans are furious. I’m so mad, I want to kill someone, but I’m not going to do it because I don’t want Trump to get the credit.
Major League Baseball officials bristled Friday over the L.A. Dodgers charging vehicles $60 to get in the stadium parking lot. How crazy is real estate out here? After Game Three, by the time 18 innings went by, you could sell that parking spot for $800 to the Chinese.
Conde Nast reported France was the number-one tourist destination in the world last year with other nations also enjoying a record number of international arrivals. Not every country is safe. In light of recent events, I have no choice but to deduct one full star from my Yelp review of America.
Mexico’s incoming president Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador will take the oath of office on the first of December promising major reforms. He has vowed to give his Interior Minister full authority to legalize all drugs in Mexico. Trump may have to build the wall just to keep all the Californians IN.
The West Hollywood Parade tonight includes a competition with prizes for costume originality. I’ve decided to slap Trump stickers all over a rented van with Florida plates and go as a male stripper. It’s the most difficult parade in the world to be voted Most Suspicious Package.
The White House backed up the president’s claim that the Guatemalan caravan approaching the U.S. from Mexico includes terrorists who arrived in Guatemala from the Middle East. It’s not hard for them to concoct trouble for us. Mexico has biological weapons that come right out of the tap.
Kenya’s government drew accusations of hostage-taking by human rights groups Monday. It’s reported Kenya’s hospitals are not allowing patients to check out and leave until they have paid their hospital bill in full. We should do that in America—health care and housing solved in one action.
The Distilled Liquor Council announced Tuesday that liquor stores in the United States reported the highest liquor sales in history for the second consecutive year. It appears that the Millennials have made an important discovery. Nothing kick-starts opioids and legal weed like a good stiff drink.
Comedy Central aired a special satirizing President Trump and the White House entitled “The President’s Show.” Trump loves to mix it up with comedians. Last week, Jeff Ross challenged President Trump to appear against him on “Roast Battle,” but Trump said he doesn’t do cooking shows.
Hillary Clinton in an interview Sunday at first demurred about any plans to run for president in two years and when the audience groaned, she quickly added that she’d like the job. That’s an understatement. You cannot imagine the tension at the Clinton family dinner table on Presidents Day.
Bill and Hillary Clinton announced the itinerary for their 13-city tour after the midterm elections where they will speak onstage and take questions. Had she been elected, you can imagine how Congress would have dealt with her e-mail scandal and Russia donations to the Foundation. By now the Clintons could have achieved their dream of being America’s first two-impeachment family.