Each year, as the new school year approaches, so does a wave of anxiety.
It’s a bit better now. I’ve survived high school and graduated college, and somehow managed to help my daughter, Sophia, do the same.
Fletcher, while only starting second grade, is starting to learn the pains of friend breakups, the cruelty of bullies, and he works pretty hard every day to overcome his fear of the new and unfamiliar.
It’s part of the process, I assure him. He shoots me the side-eye when I try to explain in adult speak, which indicates to me he feels that I don’t understand. I don’t completely blame the kid. I felt alone in that, too.
I thought, with school starting up, it warrants a back-to-school themed column. So, without further ado, I’d like to share with you a letter to my 14-year-old self.
——————
Dear Sarah,
As I make my 40th orbit around the sun, I realize that I still don’t have the world’s best advice, but as you start your freshman year, I want you to know that you have learned a thing or two since high school.
I know it’s been a long time, but with time comes some perspective. If you heed my advice, life might turn out a bit better for you.
First things first; have a little faith.
Dad is right when he says, “I don’t care what faith you follow, as long as you believe in something.” These will be the most challenging years of your life and you will need something to carry you through.
Also, mom is right. Never leave the house without lipstick and wear your hair as if it’s your best outfit. Even if it means you’re wearing sweat pants. I know you’re tired and you may have just climbed out of the pool, but your appearance matters – especially when you live in a small town and your future employer is walking among the crowd.
Speaking of mom and dad, be nicer to them.
They slave and do all sorts of things for you that you don’t notice or give them proper credit for. Yes, they are strict, sometimes nosey and mom can come across as neurotic and critical. This is because you are literally driving her crazy with your antics and blatant disrespect and, for whatever reason, she still sees the potential in you that you can not.
As for those cutting remarks. They will forgive you, but you will carry the weight of the guilt when you see how much love they have for you and their grandchildren.
I know you hate your body and you wear a T-shirt over your swimsuit in the pool because you think you’re fat. But, that feeling never goes away. It doesn’t matter if you are a size 4 or a 14. Just take care of it. Your 40-year-old body will thank you or hate you. Your call.
You’ve always been a little boy crazy, but your worth has nothing to do with them. Attracting men is easy and you can do better. Get rid of that one. I know how it ends.
Being attractive is nice, but being interesting is better.
I promise you are not nearly as ugly as you believe you are. Someone, someday, is going to love your freckles. But, for the love of God. Stop plucking your eyebrows. They don’t grow back.
Speaking of not having eyebrows, those drugs will destroy you and some of the most important relationships in your short life. You will come near death and have a second chance at life. Make the best of it.
You are going to go through some dark days, and I’m glad you have a pretty good sense of humor. However, making jokes at your own expense might seem to make you more likeable and approachable, but sometimes you just need to let your guard down so people can get to know the real you. They will like that person more.
You are weird and wonderful. Don’t worry about fitting in. As an adult, you’ll learn that some people achieve the facade of normalness, which means they have successfully hidden or destroyed everything about them that is interesting or memorable about themselves.
Don’t worry. You’ll find your tribe.
Eat the cake. Travel more. Do the thing. Whatever it is ... if you wait until you are ready, you will be waiting your whole life. The time is now.
Get the crappy job. Remember that job at Target where you spent hours folding towels in housewares, only to watch customers destroy your beautiful displays later? It will teach you a lot about coexisting in the world.
You will mess up. From time to time, you will disappoint the people who love you. Even though your decisions have nearly killed your parents and tarnished the family name for centuries to come, nothing you do is so bad (and they are PRETTY BAD), that you can’t move on from it. Your screw-ups will not define you.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Actions will always speak louder than words.
You may not know it yet, but you are a trail blazer. Girls water polo teams will soon be a standard in high school sports and women’s water polo is going to make its debut in the summer Olympics in six short years.
You will have moments of sheer humiliation. Let it roll off your shoulders and be kind when it happens to someone else. No one will remember down the road – unless you remind them.
Have an open heart. You will make the most unlikely friends and build the strongest support network if you let love in.
I know girls are ridiculously mean, but treat them kindly. It will break down the walls that divide you. How you treat others and how you respond to the treament of others is what defines you. Carry yourself with grace.
It’s OK to cry.
Don’t listen to anyone who says that being in high school is the “best years of your life.”
They are wrong – the best is yet to come.
Love,
Sarah