Tara Bower [then Lesley] says a girlfriend of hers walked up to her at school one day at Bridgewater-Fontanelle and asked her who she’d date if she could date any guy in the school, and she said Mark Bower. That same girl went and asked Mark the same question. He said Tara Lesley.
The two began dating shortly after that encounter, and after almost 24 years they’re still married.
The Bowers, who have raised four children, named T.J., Terryn, Toby and Tia, are the third couple featured as part of a love story series that has surrounded Valentine’s Day in February.
Mark and Tara were both very active in sports in high school. Tara was named the homecoming queen Mark’s junior year of high school and he was the king the following year. Mark followed Tara to Southwestern Community College, where she was a softball player, when he graduated high school.
“The reason I went to college was for Tara,” he said. “I literally had no goals or intentions but since Tara was going to Southwestern I was going to Southwestern.”
Tara played two seasons of softball for SWCC and Mark spent one year there, until Tara was done. After dating for 3 1/2 years, Mark and Tara decided to get married, though their ceremony in Fontanelle at the Methodist Church would have to be on a limited budget.
Mark invited Tara over to his house in Bridgewater for supper one night. He proposed by giving her a small pillow as a gift. She gave him a look of confusion but things made more sense when he took that pillow from her, put it on the floor and got down with one knee on it. He popped out the ring, asked the question and she said yes. Their ceremony was held outside on one of the hottest days of the year.
“It was uncomfortable, I’m sure, for everybody, but we were just in love. We made our own trellis that we got married underneath with two-by-fours. We had some wild flowers in a pot. I went to Menard’s and bought two or three sections of wood fencing, got some posts and put that behind the trellis for a back drop,” Mark said. “I left the tags on them and when the wedding was over I returned them to Menard’s. We were young with no money, no thoughts and no cares.”
Mark and Tara enjoyed a variety of attractions for their honeymoon and had the windshield of their brown Buick Century blown out by a mishap along the way.
One of the most steadying aspects of Mark and Tara’s marriage, in their estimation, is how intentional they’ve been about certain things, whether it is in financial decisions like buying a home or decisions on how to raise their four children.
“We don’t always get what we want in any project we do, whether that’s remodeling a house or a choice of vacation or vehicles, but it’s give and take. We went through a class called ‘Marriage Oneness’ with Bill and Kathi Piper [at our church]. I didn’t think I needed it and I truly thought our marriage was perfect, but going through that class opened my eyes to a lot of things that I had never thought about or considered,” Mark said. “As we become more mature as people we also become more mature in our relationship. It’s not that you have to work at it, but you do have to be intentional on trying to grow that relationship, keep it strong and vibrant.”
Tara says she can show intentionality by being there for their children when they need her.
“One of the joys of having a big family is that it’s the most awesome thing in the world to be able to have that child grow and to see the things they like to do. My biggest fear is that my children won’t need me when they’re gone. I’m really trying to be intentional, even if it’s something silly, because those are the things you have to remember to do and cherish because those moments are gone awful quick. We’ve both learned how fast time goes. You really have to enjoy every single moment.”
As leaders of their church’s youth group for middle and high school students each Wednesday night, the Bowers sometimes have opportunity to pass specific nuggets of knowledge on to children other than their own. Mostly, they like to do that by example.
“I think, as I’ve matured as a husband, father, and as a man, your influence is huge in everything you do. How I treat Tara is how our boys are going to treat their wives and how they’re going to treat their kids or grandkids. If our kids or youth group kids see that Tara and I are both serving together and see that we’re helping each other pick up at the end of the night or put things together at the beginning of the night, I hope they notice that we’re working together as a team and cooperating together. Everything you do is influence and I try to be intentional for that to be a positive influence.”