March 29, 2024

Don’t call me ‘sweetie’

Everyone wants to live longer, but no one wants to be old. No one likes the idea of physical and mental decline as we age, and, if someone brings it to our attention, we can get pretty defensive about it.

Recently, during my swim exercise class at the Y, one of my fellow participants commented how irritated she was when a newscaster had referred to a 71-year-old woman as elderly. I agreed that I also found it to be offensive. Call us too sensitive, but the fact is “elderly” can be an inappropriate term for today’s vigorous older people.

The word “elderly” implies a lack of vigor. Elderly means really old. We people in our 60s and 70s often refer to ourselves as “seniors” and might accept the title of “elderly” once we reach the mid 80s or 90s — or, maybe not. Age is relative. It’s associated with how one feels, acts and lives one’s life.

Examples of the vigor of today’s people in their 60s and 70s are three of our presidential candidates. The other day I figured how old they would be if they were elected and served eight years, such as has happened during the last two presidencies. Donald Trump would be ending his presidency at age 79, Hillary Clinton would be 77 after eight years, and Bernie Sanders would be 83 years old. Yet, they all three demonstrate a tremendous amount of energy as they go through this most grueling of campaigns.

There is definitely a misperception about older people. It’s often assumed we are always behind-the-times. Sure, we might not be as comfortable with technology as our grandchildren are, but then neither are most of their parents. But we are often more informed about what’s going on in the world than younger generations because many of us faithfully watch news programs and have more time to read news magazines, newspapers and books.

It’s common to believe as people grow older, their mind deteriorates, but Alzheimer’s and dementia are diseases that do not happen to everyone. It is a fact that we all lose brain neurons as we grown older, but it began decades ago, somewhere in the late 20s. The brain’s aging process is natural and it happens to everyone, not just older people.

A common misconception about aging is that we get crankier but, if we are now irritable, difficult to get along with, touchy about slights and insults, we were probably that way in our younger years. For every older person who has a difficult disposition, I can point to two or three younger people who are always difficult to work with, always difficult to live with and always difficult to be friends with.

A habit some have in their interaction with older people is to treat them like children. I’m offended when someone assumes I won’t be able to understand the nuances of a conversation, and I really hate it when someone refers to me as “sweetie” or some other babyish name more suitable for a 4-year-old. I’m really cranky about that.

And most of us in our 70s and 80s do not want to be taken care of. Sure there are some who do, especially if they’ve spent a lifetime being taken care of by a spouse – either by a husband or a wife. Most of us like to be independent and to make decisions on our own. Although some older people may have developed problems that prevent them from making sound decisions, and some parents and children may have a relationship that allow them to share responsibility for major decisions, no one should assume that an older person has to be helped, say for instance, to buy a house, or a car, or make health care decisions.

Aging is natural and we all have to deal with it in our own way. Some of us resist change in our appearance and hate it when wrinkles appear, hair turns grey and waistlines disappear, while others of us could care less. Change can actually be very positive; however, as studies show the highest level of all-round happiness and satisfaction peaks between ages 65 through the 70s.